Is anyone prepared for the lack of sleep a new baby brings? Oh we are all warned about about the crippling sleep deprivation the whole way through our pregnancies. I don't know about you but by the end of my pregnancy I was fed up of know-it-all parents scoffing when you were mentioning the tiredness of pregnancy, 'pffftt, you think you're tired now?? Scoff scoff.' Shut up stupidface. But they were right.
When Joel was just born, like all new born babies he did not know the difference between night and day. How!!!?? He had been growing inside me for 9 months and I had been awake at day, and asleep at night the whole time, how did he not learn?!
Joel was an awful sleeper at the start. He had colic which meant he as inconsolable, and very unsettled from dinnertime until about 1am or 2am. It is funny that he was at his most awake at these times at this is when Joel was most active during pregnancy. Phil would often say to me 'How did you sleep last night? Your belly was going crazy, I could feel baby moving until 2am! I monetioned this to the midwife and she warned me that it was a sign of things to come. She told me if baby was most active at this time it would probably be a pattern that would continue outside the womb. She couldn't have been more right.
Colic is devastating, Joel appeared to be so distressed and there was very little we could do to sooth him. The doctors met our concerns with a shrug, a sympathetic look and reassurance that Joel would probably get over it in a few months. A few months? One doctor suggested that we sooth Joel by letting him nap in front of the extractor fan of the oven as babies appear to like white noise. This was their solution?
The rest of the time Joel wasn't much better, he always wanted to be held, if he slept he slept lying on me, as I lay about like a baby pillow. Anytime I gently moved him into his moses basket and tip toed into the bathroom to get a shower it would be only a matter of moments before he woke and was crying.
If Joel did sleep it was always when we had visitors. The visitors would hold on and wait in the hope that he would wake and they would get a cuddle. I would be silently willing them to leave so I could put my head down, even just for 30 mins...
The first few months were tough but we stumbled through it and found our coping strategies. Here are my tips to survive no sleep!
(1) Sleep in shifts
For the first wee while Phil, my husband, and I were like passing ships. No, passing zombies, taking turns to sleep. We felt like we never had any time with each other but at least we had a little sleep. When Phil came home from work I had his dinner ready. I made sure he had his dinner in peace while I jiggled a crying Joel and once he had finished his dinner he would take over jiggling duty and I would have my dinner. After my dinner at around 8pm I would go to bed and Phil would be in charge. I would get 4 solid hours sleep and at midnight I would take charge again for night feeds so Phil could get a solid 7/8 hours for work in the morning. I'm pretty sure these 4 solid hours each evening saved me. However I am aware that this is not a possibility for all mothers, for example, mothers of hungry babies who are exclusively breast feeding and single parents.
(2) Ship baby out
This is totally against all health visitor/midwife official recommendation. The guidelines state that to lower the risk of cot death baby should be in the room with parents until 6 months.
I found that when Joel was in the room with us I worried more. I jumped a every noise he made, thinking he was going to wake. I would bounce up ready to get a bottle ready. I was concerned he would wake my husband if he cried so with every noise I lifted him incase that noise was leading to crying. Joel wasn't getting a chance to settle as I was lifting him at every squeak and I wasn't getting a chance to settle as I was a nervous wreak! Phil had really disturbed sleep and would talk and shout in his sleep. He would sit up suddenly, lift the covers and look for Joel until I reassured him that he was in the moses basket. Joel was never in the bed with us, I have no idea where this fear come from, the joys of disturbed sleep, eh? At 11 weeks Joel was too long for his moses basket so he was moved into his big cot in his own room. With hat we began a sleep routine, bath and story and bottle before bed. Joel slept better, we slept better. Within a week Joel was sleeping right through until 3.30am/4am, waking for a night feed and going down again until 7.30am/8am.
(3) Limit visitors
Easier said than done, a skill I never really mastered but I always found that when Joel had lots of visitors and was passed about, he was more unsettled in sleep.
(4) Accept help
Why not!? Don't be proud, get family and friends to help. Like it or not in those first months baby doesn't care who is looking after him as long as he is fed. We had family members who would do a three hour shift looking after Joel while Phil and I had a nap together. Bliss.
(5) Keep busy
Obviously within reason. Do not burn yourself out but I found the best way to cope with exhaustion was to have plans to occupy my mind. If I was in the house all day I found that Joel was more demanding and I was simply counting down the hours until Phil came home to take over. Small plans like meeting a friend in the park for a walk with the pram would make all the difference help pass the time.
(6) Trust your instincts
The world and his wife will be offering their two cents about how to get your baby to sleep for 8 hours straight but you know your own baby best. I was told to out a rusk in his bottle, if he wakes let him cry it out, give him water when he wakes. I took advice on board, but I did not carry it out if I didn't feel it was right for Joel.
Sleep is so important to your recovery from pregnancy and labour and for your mood. Happy mum, happy baby so make that time for yourself to sleep if you can find it!
Joel continued with his regular sleep routine, sleeping until 3.30am/4am, bottle and sleeping again until 7.30am/8am until around 41/2 months and then he began wakening twice during the night for a feed. We saw this as a sign that he was ready for food and at 21 weeks we began weaning. Even when Joel was established on 3 meals a day he still continued to wake at around 2am for a night feed. This continued until he was over 6 months old. I was fed up of hearing about other peoples babies who slept through the night from 5 weeks. In fact I've considered a swift punch to the face to any parent bragging about sleeping. I was starting to think we are doing something wrong. Until on 12th July we tried supper for Joel. A hearty bowl of porridge and a bottle before bed. It worked a treat and he hasn't woke for a feed since.
He hasn't woke for a feed, but he still wakes. Joel seems to be getting worse at sleeping, waking at 5am or during the night. He is learning so many new skills that it seem when he wakes he wants to flip over or crawl around his cot rather then go back to sleep...
Sleep is a skill to master just like everything else. Joel is a new human who has to learn how to crawl, how to talk and how to walk but he also has to learn how to sleep. I am hoping that I am creating the right environment to allow him to do that.....unless someone can tell me the magic ingredient.
A GALLERY OF SLEEP
