Super Cool Mummy Club!

So I decided to be brave and invite the local mummies in for a cuppa.  Well I did it the cowards way, I added them all as friends on Facebook and sent a group message to save my red face knocking on doors.  

It's funny how much you go about living your life without noticing your neighbours. Everyone is busy going to and from work, going out.

I have great neighbours that I have got to known well over the past 5 years,  Jenny won't mind me saying that she's been known to be in my house in her jammies scribbling down the password to steal my wifi and I've been on her doorstep knocking for milk on Christmas Day!! Gone are the normal social boundaries, but isn't it great to have neighbours you can call upon anytime?
Jenny is very open about her not-so-easy experiences during motherhood and tiny premature baby Erin has thrived into a stunning wild red headed clever clogs chomping at the bit to start nursery school in September.  Even more amazing than that is that Jenny, who works night shift, is hitting the books again herself to position herself in line for her dream job.  This is a big commitment, a 4 year plan of study but did I mention that the lovely ladies on my street are all superheros?

Teresa and I have a very special cake relationship , I bring her the leftover cake from my house, she brings me the leftover cake from her house! This girl is like family, I don't even bother tidying the house for her visiting anymore! How Teresa EVER gets out of the house, I don't know, she has two beautiful boys under the age of 18months!!  Anyone who can manage that must be a superhero!  I know her boys and my Joel will be running about the park together soon and we will be sipping 'tea' (wine) from our flask watching them play!

Theres a lovely security in knowing the people who live around you and knowing that you can call on them in an emergency, although lets hope that never happens!
And then there are the other mummies in the street,  girls who I have not had a relationship with before but who I added to my tea and biscuits night invite in the hope to get to know.  As it turns out, these ladies also have superpowers!

Caroline I have chatted briefly to a few times as her husband taught me how to drive ( a brief experience before he packed in the driving instructing game altogether, he promises it wasn't because I was awful, I choose to believe him). Caroline had a beautiful tiny baby Phoebe only 4 weeks ago.  I'm secretly convinced that she has super powers as baby Phoebe was 4 weeks early and her husband had to go back to work very soon after she got home from hospital, Caroline managed to arrive at my house on time, NOT in her pyjamas and didn't yawn the whole time she was here, although I know she must be extremely sleep deprived.

There is a girl who lives opposite me and to be honest I never noticed she had a baby until Joel arrived and I was more alert to noticing other babies and mums.  In fact the baby across the road was nearly one when Joel arrived, until then he was invisible to me!!  I have never got speaking to Lynsey but Caroline extended the invitation to her also, after all, the more the merrier!  Lynsey's son is just over a year old and she is back at work.  I am due back to work in 2 weeks (*sob*) and I sometimes wonder how I am going to manage it.  Lynsey, in true H.Street superhero style, makes it seem do-able.

And mystery neighbour across the road had tiny baby Alexander just over a week ago.  I had never spoken to her before Joel arrived but one day while taking him out in his car seat she came over for a peek and revealed the exciting news that she was expecting a new arrival.  We have chatted in the street often since but I have never asked her name!  I invited her over for tea with everyone else that night but she never made it - and who could blame her - she is probably still in that stage where she doesn't know what time of day it is!  Hopefully she will make the next tea evening as it has been agreed that we will make an effort to make it a monthly date.

I really enjoyed having my lovely neighbours over last night.  It has to be said that our common thread is motherhood and we spent a good part of the evening talking about our babies and our experiences in pregnancy and labour.  We drank tea, and maybe some Prosecco and laughed.  The only downside is all the leftover buns in my kitchen....ahem...

 
Go on people, reach out and get to know your neighbours!  Its fun!

Bucket List? Challenge Accepted!!

Moneysupermarket.com have challenged bloggers to consider their bucket list, a challenge I have accepted as beside from the incentive of a cash prize, theres nothing I like more than a good list!

Recently my life has changed more than I can ever imagine, with the arrival of my beautiful baby boy Joel time has become more precious and priorities have been reassessed.

I have never been the adventurous kind.  I have friends who wish to travel the world, jump from planes and have successful high powered careers.  Not for me.  I have crossed worldwide travel off my list.  My husband and I went to Hong kong and Thailand for our honeymoon, an experience I hold dear to my heart but also a experience where I discovered that my pale irish skin cannot cope with temperatures above 20 C and mosquitos enjoy my blood.  Thats a tick beside travel.  Beautiful memories.
I have been invited to join friends skydiving, but to be honest I am happier spending my money on going out for dinner with friends, going home to my castle (my cosy flat) and snuggling up next to my husband.  I am a home bird, happiest surrounded by my family.

One thing I always said to my other half is that i wanted to see Paris before we hand children.  I wanted to see the Eiffel Tower, eat pan au chocolat and spend hours in art galleries people watching and painting watching.

When we found out we were expecting a baby Phil quickly looked up flights to Paris, places to stay.  But we never went, we had to create a 'Baby Fund' and plan to make our impractical flat baby friendly with a little wall moving!

It has to be said I was sad that I never got my trip to Paris and when Joel arrived I began to count the things I hadn't made time to do.  I remember one night a friend posted on Facebook about her and her other half sitting in the car half way up the mountain with a flask of tea watching shooting stars with a view over Belfast.  It struck me that I rarely did anything impulsive like that, and now when would I have the opportunity with sleep routines to stick to and the military packing operation that accompanied any outing.

But now my priorities have changed, My bucket list consists of memories I wish to create for my family.  Moments to look back on to make the heart happy and actually many of those things don't cost a lot!

1. Family holidays.  I want this to happen every year, some of my happiest memories are with all my extended family crammed in a house in Donegal or in a caravan in Ballycastle.  Days spent at the beach come rain or shine and traipsing back to the house at the end of the day exhausted, buckets filled with stones, cheeks stinging from the sea wind, wolfing down fish and chips with salt and vinegar and staying up late playing board games with my granny and cousins, falling asleep where I was sat as I didn't want to miss any craic.  These are the kinds of memories I want for my son.
This is a tradition we started this year, when Joel was 5 months old and where he cut his first tooth.  The reason it is on my budget bucket list is because I am a lucky girl with a generous mum who treated us this year.  This is a tradition I will make a priority and I will save a little each month to make it happen.

2. Spend more time outside.  We live in a flat with no garden but I want Joel to have plenty of outside time, fresh air and experience nature, growing vegetables.  I have plenty of park space nearby and a community garden within walking distance, theres no excuse for not doing this.

2 1/2. Conquer my fear of wasps.

3.  Make new friends.  A silly statement to make at age 27?  I have a great circle of friends but have always been shy.  Being a new mum has forced me to get out and about and independent. Last week I bit the bullet and invited all the new mums on my street to a coffee date at my house.  I'm looking forward to it, and after all friendship doesn't cost a penny but isn't it the most valuable thing? (True but a very cheesy statement that made me cringe a little writing it..)

4. One day to teach Joel to ride a bike, to have that moment when I am running after him keeping him steady and then letting go, and watching him wobble off, alone.

5. Learn to crochet.  I have a Christmas project in mind..

6. Learn how to use a sewing machine and how to quilt.  Sewing machine borrowed from sister in law, and signed up to a quilting class beginning 9th September!

7. Star gaze at the top of the mountain.

I have started to make steps to ticking off my bucket list, when you have a baby you realise you don't have a minute to spare and so I have no learnt to act upon my list rather than leave it to later.  And crocheting?  Well, I'll just have to find that elusive extra hour in the day.


And now for the extravagant list, well it still contains my Parisian wish.  This extravagant wish is on the back burner behind childcare costs, mortgage payments, car and petrol costs.

1. Go to Paris.  But this time the wish is different.  It includes a petit enfant Joel and perhaps a trip to Euro Disney.  


So Ruth, Aisling and Claire, I challenge you to complete your bucket list, budget and extravagant.

6 months on..

My new mummy friend started a blog 'Sonny's Mummy' and it got me inspired to get clicking on the keyboard too.  I have been a diary keeper, a useful way of decluttering the mind but a public blog seems rather scary! Well today I am giving it a go.

My beautiful son is now over 6 months old.  He is no longer a tiny, scrunched up infant but rather a happy, bouncing, active baby boy.
Having all too quickly reached this stage I find myself glancing in prams and assessing the the age of tiny babies and thinking to myself; 'Aww, remember when Joel was that size?'.  I cannot deny that pang of jealousy when strangers coo over the tiny new baby in the queue in Asda rather than Joel.  Old news son.
However it is important to pinch myself, take off the rose tinted glasses and recognise that those new mums with the tiny babies deserve the attention and the fuss.  It is their prize for making it out of the house after only 2 1/2 hours sleep, constant night feeds, unexplained crying and entertaining countless unexpected/unwanted visitors.  I have no idea how I made it through the exhaustion, emotion and confusion of those first few weeks.  Life as a new mother presents many challenges; lack of sleep, self doubt, advice overload to name but a few.

Lack of Sleep
After 3 days of labour, 4 days in hospital, fighting a kidney infection and recovery from an instrumental delivery its safe to say I was exhausted, and having a new born by the bed side means no rest, no way!  I was very lucky and had my own private room at the Ulster Maternity Ward but the walls were closing in on me and without the support of my husband I was fading fast.
Nearing the end of my pregnancy I was thinking 'I cannot wait to be not-pregnant, to be able to put on my own socks, wear normal clothing - bliss!'.  Boy was that short sighted!!  I was aware that having a new baby would be hard work but I was not prepared for the recovery from the exhaustion of labour.  Normal clothing? Ha! My body was definitely not my own.  My poor swollen ankles wouldn't fit in any of my slippers or shoes to leave hospital.  The pain of the stitches meant that I struggled with tasks and movement.  On day 4 when my midwife said to me 'We are going to try to maybe look at getting you and baby Joel ready for home' my eyes filled with tears.  TRY??? MAYBE???  I NEEDED to get home, NEEDED the support of my husband.
For his support I am eternally grateful, he picked me up from hospital and transported me to our spotless flat and ushered me off to bed for an extended nap.  A quivering new parent himself, he put my needs first, recognised my need to recover and made sure I got all the rest I needed over those first few weeks.  I'm not sure if he realises the value of his sacrifice, without him I could not have functioned.

Self Doubt
Coming from a work background in childcare people expected me to be a natural and this expectation weighed heavy on me.  Nothing prepares you for the waves of self doubt that you must swim against.  For me it began when new baby boy Lucas was placed on my chest, I suddenly thought, 'Oh Christ, can I do this? Phil and I are getting on well in our wee flat.  We go out for dinner, drink beer, watch movies, I'm suddenly not sure if we are ready for baby responsibility!"
Joel cried and screamed the whole time in hospital and for about the first 5 weeks.  My internal doubter constantly chattered; 'Why do the midwives not help?  Is this a test?  Should I lift him?  Am I spoiling him?  Should I ask for help or am I supposed to know all the answers?  Will they judge me?'
at home Phil appeared to calmly cope with the new parenting experience much more than me.  I was pretty certain Joel hated me and I had no idea what he wanted when he cried and my hormones were all over the place.   I would eyeball Joel nervously every time Phil said he was going to nip to the shop. Help! When would I feel normal again?  Where was this unconditional maternal love and understanding the Parentcraft classes promised me?  Joel was stripping me of my identity and confidence and I wasn't enjoying it.
In the first 3 weeks I experiences some very dark days and I dreaded the thought of Phil going back to work.  My lifeline was a girl I used to work with who had given birth to her son 2 1/2 months before.  Her honesty and bravery in sharing her experience with me gave me the strength to believe I was normal.  Others find it hard too.  I can do this.  My conversations with Ruth were like a breath of fresh air compared to cooing family members; 'Oh isn't motherhood wonderful?  Couldn't you just look at him all day?"
 Ruth lifted a weight off my shoulders and helped me feel like I'm not an awful person.  I'm not sure she knows how important she was to my recovery and my mental health but I have made a vow to be a 'Ruth' and be open and honest about my experience as it could help someone else who is struggling.

Advice Overload
From doctors, to health visitors to midwives, from friends, family and strangers, everyone offered their two cents.  At the start I was desperate for people to tell me what to do and I soaked up every bit of this advice soup I was being spoon fed.  But it became too much, it began to contradict,  it didn't match my baby and I became stressed.  Its a cliche - but cliches exist for a reason - every baby is different!  There is no baby dictionary.  There is no harm in tapping into the experience of the community around you but I learnt to use my mummy filter and follow my inner instinct and gut feeling.
To my neighbour and close friend Teresa I am thankful.  Having had a baby just 9 months before, during my pregnancy I held her up to be mother guru thinking when this baby comes I will have advice on tap!  But when Joel was born, after an initial cooing visit, I rarely heard from Teresa.  Not because she abandoned me but because she knew the overwhelmed feeling of motherhood, she did not bombard me with advice like the others.  But Theresa never missed a call when I needed her and she always had her door open and her tea brewing when I needed.  She offered to pick up milk, had a listening ear and a reassuring 'I know, its hard' when I needed to vent.  Thank God for good neighbours.

When removing my rose tinted glasses and remembering the tough times I nod to those that helped me in my first few weeks, and those who continue to stand by.  Becoming a mother changes you and inevitably your friendships but I am a lucky girl with some great friends to rely on.  My school friend Laura was my cheerleader through pregnancy and has behaved convincingly interested in all sorts of birth/nappy/weaning details.  Catherine continues to uphold our oranges and tea and gossip ritual around Joel's routine.  Gemma includes Joel in all lunch dates considering my travel with him and pram accessibility!  Great mates!
Motherhood also forces new friendships from shared experiences.  Sonny's Mummy and I can chat for hours about poop, nappies, weaning without a flicker of boredom! We have genuine excitement in each others mothering milestones and slimming world achievements!
And where would any of us be without our mummies?  She is the superhero who makes sure I have warm tea and who I want to be when I grow up.
But my rock and soul is Baby Joel who at week 5 gave me a big gummy smile and made every dark moment worth while, and ancient history.

When I see those new mums with wrinkled babies and pass that pang of jealousy, I hope for them they have the support I had.  I hope they have Laura's and Teresa's and Ruth' and Phil's and more!  I want to lean over to them and, in the vain of the new SMA follow on milk advert tagged 'You're doing great', give them a reassuring squeeze and say, 'It gets easier, I promise.'