Into Motherhood and Beyond...: Back to Work Anxiety..

It has happened, August is here and I am due to start back to work ON THURSDAY.

As I typed those words my stomach flipped, swishing like a washing machine, and in that washing machine there are many emotions swirling about.

First, excitement at a change of routine, a bit like going back to school after the summer holidays again, and in the same vain I would like to get a new bag to pack my diary to be super organised and to pack my lunch - oooh lunch. I am so looking forward to having a lunch break, a solid half an hour dedicated to getting my head showered and drinking a hot cup of tea right to the end. It'll be nice to have a chat with workmates about, well anything! It will be nice to have conversations about subjects other then the colour of poop and sleep routines and looking at the computer screen will be a welcome change from the constant loop of Baby TV. It will be nice to get the brain ticking again too.
As I think about all these positives I am then hit with a wave of guilt. Am I allowed to look forward to going back to work, does that make me a terrible mother?? Poor Joel's wee world is going to change, rather than being with his mummy or daddy all day he will have to get used to new people and new routines.
And then I remember, wait! I don't want to go back to work, I don't want to leave Joel! He is so much fun at the minute and learning so much everyday. He tries to clap his hands, he hold's up his arms and does a big gummy smily to say 'yayyyyyyy', he has great conversations with his facial expressions, eyebrows up and furrowed, cheeky smile and big wide smile. How boring will the day be without Joel to chat to!!??

Before getting overwhelmed by all these feelings and spiraling into a nervous breakdown I take a deep breath and realise that I'm in a pretty good situation. How many mothers have the benefit of returning to work feeling pretty relaxed about the Childcare in place for their child?

Finding the right childcare is a difficult task. There are a variety of choices out there, all of which I considered and none without its downside.

Day Nurseries
I am in a strange position in that my background is in training in the childcare sector in Belfast, and Belfast is a very small place. I have come across some outstanding practice and some awful practice and the ghost of this awful practice has haunted any viewing of the day nurseries I have been to see. Day nurseries provide a reliable service and are open most days of the year. They provide solid policies and procedures and are regularly inspected. They provide the opportunity for socialising with other children and learning to share. A great option, however I couldn't seem to fine the right one to work for us.

Childminder

A cosier and more homely option compared to the more institutionalised day nursery but perhaps less reliable? What do you do if your childminder is sick? There is such a variance in the service provided and the prices charged I found it quite difficult to navigate this sector! I am based in Northern Ireland so I found this website useful, NICMA. However the outstanding issue I had with childminders is the amount of time Joel would be spending in the car each day. Many childminders I spoke to looked after children who are a range of ages and spent much of the middle part of the day doing school pick ups. I don't like the thought of Joel being bundled in the car for an hour or so a day!

Perfect match

I found Joel's Fairy Godmother, I mean to say Gothmother. Tracey has just returned from maternity leave and has a lovely baby boy only 8 weeks older than Joel. She has stacks of experience in day nurseries and working with families over many years. The major bonus is that she is coming to us, she will be looking after Joel in his own environment and bringing baby Morgan with her so Joel will have a wee friend.

Dad
What would we do without daddies? My dad will be looking after Joel one day a week. Joel and his Granda have a lovely relationship, he is retired and has a key to the flat and so is almost part of the furniture. Joel recognises him as one of the main people in his life and is totally relaxed when left in his care. Any time Joel is unsettled Granda comes to the rescue, he scoops him up and takes him for a walk chatting quietly in his ear, he shows him his shadow, his refection in puddles, the birds in the garden, the leaves on the trees, he has a real calming presence. Plus, the pair of them are both partial to an afternoon nap!

Things I will miss.....