My Phobia..

So I've never written about this as I have been concerned that by publicly revealing my weakness the information will fall into the wrong hands and will only be used against me. 
However I'm pretty sure everyone around me now knows my weakness. Now and again it reveals itself and due to it's total weirdness it becomes a talking point and travels through the people around me like like waves. 'Here, did you hear about that weirdo Amy?' 


So here goes, ready for it...

**stands up, dusts off self, clears throat**

I, Amy, have a fear of baked beans.

Yep.
I'll let that sink in.
I suppose you have some questions?

Amy's Phobia FAQ

Was there a bean related incident that lead to this affliction ?
Nope, they're just disgusting.

Does this fear extend to other members of the bean family?
Nope, although not entirely fond of other bean related foodstuff I can push them to the side of the plate like a normal person.

Do you like spaghetti hoops?
Love them

What is it that you dislike so much?
It's the entire disgusting combination, the gross bean, it's minging bean juice. Yuk yuk yuk. 

Now what? Have a compulsion to play a bean related trick on me? That appears to be the reaction of many.
I cannot tell you the amount of times I have been on a night out, ordered a drink at the bar, reached into my bag for my purse only to find a tin of baked beans.  If you were scared of dogs would I put a dog in your handbag? No. I wouldn't.
One night, coming home from my shift at work at 11pm I reached my house and was greeted by my name written in beans in the path leading to my house.  I stepped over it, not looking down, keeping very calm and collected and trying not to smell the beaniness. Finally got to the front door, reached to the front door handle to find the handle was covered in BEAN JUICE. What a bunch of bastards my friends are. That was a traumatic night.  If you had a fear of spiders would I write your name in spiders at your house and cover the door handle in spider juice? No. No, I would not.

Now that Joel is 18months old and is eating all round him people seem to be of the opinion that he is a deprived child not to have beans in his diet. 
But tough luck son. You will live a beanless life. I will not have beans in my house, tainting my cook wear. He can eat spaghetti hoops until the cows come home but I'm sorry, no beans. He does not lead a deprived life. 
Vegetarian children are not deprived without meat. 
Vegan children are not deprived without animal products.
Children with bean phobic mothers are not deprived without beans. 

One day Phil got in big trouble ...

Phil said 'but he LOVED them' - irrelevant.  He'd probably really love cigarettes if you let him smoke. 
Not only did he sneak out and feed him undercover beans, but posted it on Facebook. I had to cope with a bean contaminated child but also with every idiot within a World Wide Web radius commenting on my fear.  People would approach with their ridiculous menacing face and snarling laugh. Smug face 'Joel had beans then?' Smug face. 
I suppose when he is older and at school I will have to cope with the possibility of bean exposure at birthday parties. I SUPPOSE in that case as long as I do not see the bean eating, if he doesn't spill any on his clothing and is hosed off before he comes through the front door he can try some. Ugh. 

Oh. And my evil and satanic lovely and beautiful sister and law did this. 

Going to make a couple of onsies for her children made from cotton wool. Because that is her fear. Everyone has their weakness.


What's your weakness?