Never Trust a Toddler

Living with a toddler is like a bloody hilarious. My wee miniature person is always up a big spongy explorer absorbing up new information and skills. He dances, squeals and chats excitedly in toddler language. He never walks anywhere, rather he runs or skips giggling manicly.  Life is a juggling act of getting the basic life essentials done (keeping the family fed and watered, keeping the house reasonably tidy) and containing his chaos.

There are brief moments when I think, 'I think I've got the hang of this toddler malarky, I've managed to do the dishes/dry my hair/put on a pot of soup without interruption'

And then it hits me.

Why is it so quiet?

1. Toddler is posting front door keys outside through the letter box.

2. Toddler is emptying washing basket and posting items one by one through the stair gate onto the stairs,  and then filing empty washing basket with shoes.

3. Toddler is throwing anything within reach down the toilet.

4. Toddler is scraping newly sanded and varnished floor with stick. ( what stick? One he keeps in some sort of secret toddler wreaking toolkit )

5. Toddler eating unidentified object

6. Toddler has found a Sharpie.

7. Toddler is staging se kind of dirty protest involving exploding nappy.

8. Toddler is emptying pockets of wipes.

9. Toddler is standing on laptop.

10. Toddler is pouring juice from his cup all over the sofas.

11. Toddler is playing with plug sockets

12. Toddler is setting up tv to have subtitles, audio description and changing resolution.

13. Toddler is changing oven settings.

14. Toddler has managed to get into freezer and is feasting on a frozen slice of whole meal bread.

15.  Toddler is wedged behind tv stand.

16. Toddler is moisturising bedroom furniture

17.  Toddler has pulled wet clothing off clothes horse.

18. Toddler is feasting on crumbs he has found between sofa cushions.

19. Toddler has  fashioned makeshift climbing frame and is standing causally on top of table.

20. Toddler is sitting on next door neighbours cat.


Never trust a toddler!

There are some lovely time where I panic, rush to find out what he's up to and find that he's being a wee angel, making pretend toast in his pretend kitchen, carrying his pals Buzz and Woody about and chatting away or dancing to the music on yen tv.
I'm not fooled though, I know it's all part if his cunning plan, to lure me into a false sense of security so he can get up to me mischief next time..
And then of course later on I realise toddler has hidden my house and car keys.